There are billions of websites on the internet. Thank you for clicking on my one.
I've had this website for years and I used to use it to collect a load of nonsense about giraffes and a made-up fact about post codes.
The internet has moved on a lot since then, and seeing as I'm not in to data harvesting or Bitcoin scams my website started to feel a bit left out by the whole thing. I have now cleared out the worst of the nonsense, leaving behind a few blog posts and a bit of hope that I will excitedly update it more often.
I veer wildly between late-1990s TV nostalgia, social media pictures of signs which amuse me and occasional serious recollections from when I used to work hard in the travel industry. Keep checking back for a messy concoction of all three, plus a few more travel tales.
The lads know I'm an expert in service stations, so they sent me to Circle K Glasnevin to see what I could find.
Every time I turn up at Classic Hits, they have fitted a new TV to the wall.
Rumours went around that you can scare off a seagull by staring at it. This was put to the test with one of the most disasterous broadcasting experiences of my life.
I have no sympathy for her. Instagram has always been famous for its culture of cyber-bullying. She knew that and still chose to build her life around it. It was inevitable that one day she'd be on the receiving end, and I'm sure she is rational enough to realise that.
What I am really worried about is a future where people are so desperate to prove that they aren't stupid, that they say things that are stupid. "You can't fool me", they say, while pointing out something that isn't true.
This confusion is inevitable when we live in a society that is continually taking fake things and pretending they are real. The simulacra, as Jean Baudrillard made clear, means people are so used to seeing fake TV, fake models, fake videos and fake news that they don't believe it when they see something real.
I like cars, just not there. This is a serious post about the problems with cars, cities and reluctant councils.
Center Parcs invited 400 influencers and lifestyle bloggers to experience a free weekend at Longford Forest, as well as all the perks of their VIP launch event, on the basis that they would fill social media with smug posts about how amazing it all is. It turned out Twitter users didn't like having to sift through ass-licking smuggery.
I'm not surprised Twitter didn't like it. What has surprised me is that the bloggers - who have been in this game for a long time - have taken offence at the blowback.
The bloggers were merely a tool in Center Parcs's marketing strategy. And here's the deal: marketing is all about speaking directly to your audience. Your audience are allowed to stick their finger up at you if they find your message patronising. It has always been that way. The word "backfired" exists for a reason.
I love shopping, because I love trying to slide the trolley as far as I can. I have tried many shops and I think IKEA trolleys slide the most, and IKEA ailes are long and quiet enough to get the best result.
Sadly, on the day my ashamed family filmed me, my performance was poor.
The idea of the show is that these people are presented as if they are just like you - normal people, with normal backgrounds. Anybody can apply. This could have been you. In fact why wasn't it?
The answer is simple, and sometimes you have to spell it out to yourself: these people are not normal people. I know the producers will throw in a token sweet one like the adorable Dr Alex, but never on Love Island do you see somebody who might think twice before getting their body out on camera; somebody who worries about running out of conversation when around strangers; a man who gets intimidated by the idea of being with 'lads'. You never see anyone who really gets panics before a date, or someone who's a tiny bit prudish when bragging about their sex life with someone they've literally just met.
I remember the first time I saw people use Facebook to help find a vulnerable child who had gone missing near my home town. He was found within a few hours, and the strength of the people power we had just created was quite exciting.
That was in 2012. Since then, it has become very common to see alerts about missing people posted on Facebook and Twitter. Missing children or vulnerable adults tend to travel further, but there are loads of alerts on there if you look up the right accounts.
This is exactly where I have a problem to raise. Across the world there are what, millions maybe, of people who have gone missing and their families are worried about them. I can't retweet all of those alerts.
Start an episode like this: have Ant & Dec say 'Hi'. Show the judges taking their seats. Have somebody who is OK. Then show a montage of people being silly. Then show a sad clip. Then have that person deliver an amazing performance. Then have an advert break.
Times that by four and you have an episode of Britain's Got Talent. Times that by 13 years - yes 13 years! - and you have the entire run of Britain's Got Talent.
The only thing that has ever changed - other than trialling the different judges at the start - is the fact they now cut to random members of the audience giving their opinions even though you couldn't care less what they think.